So much for my New Year's resolution to write in this thing regularly. Looking at my last post, I see that it's been nearly two months since I've written anything on this blog. I'm kicking myself about that, since a lot has happened during those two months. For example, there have been no less than three high-profile shootings! That always gives me plenty to work with. I don't think it's worth explaining the details of any of these crimes since by now that's been done by better and more well-informed writers. I do however want to touch on one of these shootings since it's been on my mind more than the others.
By now, just about everyone has heard about Elliot Rodger's May 23 killing spree in Isla Vista, California. Seven people were killed, including Rodger himself, and an additional 13 people were injured. That's old news for most people by now, but something about it is still sticking out in my mind, and I feel like I should talk about it.
When tragedies like the Isla Vista killings happen, people are usually quick to condemn the killers as monsters or write them off as "crazy." Plenty of people have done this to Elliot Rodger, but I've noticed something else that has happened that makes me sick to my stomach. Elliot Rodger allegedly went on his shooting spree because he was frustrated by women not wanting to date or sleep with him. He was a 22 year-old virgin who claimed that since he was a "nice guy" he should be having lots and lots of sex. The guy took his frustration and obvious hatred for women out on no less than 19 people before taking his own life.
Since Elliot Rodger did what he did to punish women for not giving him what he was "owed," men's rights activists, pick-up artists and various other misogynistic pieces of garbage have actually sympathized with him. Some have even called him a hero. That is deeply troubling on many levels, and I think it shines a light on what a lot of these men really think about women. Sexism and misogyny are nothing new, and the brand of hate that Rodger had has been well-known on the Internet for some time. Up until now, I saw it as a petty annoyance, the feelings of some entitled jerks who need to learn how the real world works. Now, I can see how dangerous it is. People have been killed in a very high-profile way by this attitude, and I wouldn't be surprised if more are killed in the future.
I know I'm just one guy with a blog, but I feel like I should say something about this brand of misogyny. This will probably piss a lot of guys off, but I'm well past the point of caring about that. Maybe I'm preaching to the choir here, and maybe what I have to say will be written off by those who need to hear it, but I'm going to say it anyway.
1. Feminism Isn't What You Think It Is
A lot of so-called men's rights activists like to blame feminism on their bad luck with women. These folks like to refer to feminists as "feminazis" and act like they're trying to destroy men. Well, I'm a feminist and a man (shocking, I know), and I can honestly say that real feminism is about equal rights for both men and women. Yes, there are some man-hating "feminazis" out there, but a real feminist knows that they are just as bad as the most rage-filled misogynist. Real feminists work for the benefit of everybody, not just women. If they end up encouraging women to stand up to your misogyny, then the problem lies with you, not them.
2. The Friendzone Doesn't Exist
That's right; there is no friendzone, or at least not how you know it. There seems to be this idea that if a man is nice to a woman, he's entitled to sleep with her or at least date her, as if that's the only thing women are good for. Based on this belief, a woman who only wants a platonic friendship with a man is completely useless. That has to be one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard, yet the idea is widespread enough that men everywhere complain about being "friendzoned" by women when their "nice guy" routine ultimately fails.
Believe it or not, men and women are capable of having platonic relationships with each other. Some even prefer it. There are plenty of women I consider friends, and I'm perfectly content with keeping them as friends. There's nothing romantic or sexual between us, and there probably never will be. I still value their friendship, because I see them as human beings. If there is such a thing as the friendzone, that's it. It's having respect for someone and seeing them as a human being instead of a potential bedroom conquest. Unfortunately, these guys will never see that because they can't see women as human beings, which brings me to my last point...
3. Women Will Never Want Men who Hate Them
People are empathetic creatures. They can often pick up on subtle emotional cues and know what you really think about them. This seems to be lost on a lot of so-called "nice guys" who have no luck with women. Yes, they're being nice to girls, but that doesn't change the fact that many of them hate women. Not surprisingly, women pick up on that. I obviously can't speak for women, but I can usually tell when someone has a thinly-veiled contempt for me based on a short conversation. It doesn't matter how "nice" you are being to a woman; if she picks up on your inherent hatred for anything female, she won't want anything to do with you. As long as you have this hatred within you, your "nice guy" approach will never work. You may be able to manipulate a girl for a little while, but sooner or later she will see through you and sense how much contempt you have for her gender.
Anyway, that's what's been on my mind since this the Isla Vista shooting. I know most men's rights activists won't go out and kill people after being rejected time and time again by women, but there is obviously a very toxic culture that needs to be addressed. Most of what I've said will fall on deaf ears, and I might even make some enemies with this post, but I just felt that this needed to be said. Please direct all death threats and "not all men..." posts to the comment section below.
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