Why Do We Have to Keep Having This Conversation?

(Trigger warning: rape/sexual assault)

I’m going to try to get through this blog post without destroying my laptop in a fit of rage.

I really wish I was joking, but I’m not. My smartphone ended up getting thrown across a room because of what I was reading on it today. Fortunately, I remained calm and rational enough to aim it at a nice, soft couch cushion.

The thing that’s gotten me so pissed off right now is the coverage of the rape case in Steubenville, Ohio. By now, I don’t think I have to explain which rape case in Steubenville I’m referring to. However, I’ll give you an abbreviated description just in case you’ve been living under a rock.

Back in August, two high school football players took a 16 year-old girl to a series of parties where she got drunk and was sexually assaulted. The two boys who did this took photos of the girl and tweeted about what they were doing to her. She claims to not remember any of this. After a public outcry, the two boys were convicted of rape and sentenced to one year in juvenile hall this past Sunday.

On the surface, things look like they’re as close to okay as they can be in this kind of scenario. Two teenage boys did something horrible to a teenage girl, and they will pay the price. It sounds like an open-and-shut case. Surely everyone will see that these two boys are criminals who deserve to be punished, right?

I think I’ve been giving people too much credit.

On one of my first posts on this blog, I said that I was heavily involved in a movement to combat the Rape Culture, that sick and twisted part of our society that normalizes and even forgives rape and sexual assault. I’m still involved in that movement, and the things I’ve been hearing lately have only served to remind me why. I really wish everyone would agree with me when I say that the two boys who were convicted of rape in the Steubenville case were entirely at fault and that the girl who was assaulted is a blameless victim of a crime. Unfortunately, that’s not what I’m hearing. What I’m hearing is the sad tale of two innocent lives ruined by a too-harsh sentence. I’m hearing stories of promising football careers brought to a tragic end because people don’t know “harmless” youthful indiscretion when they see it. I’m hearing stories of a stupid, slutty girl who had too much to drink and deserved what happened to her. In other words, I’m hearing the same rape apologist bullshit that I hear whenever something like this happens.

Once again, people are placing all the blame on the survivor instead of on the rapist, and I am fucking sick of it. Should this girl have gotten drunk? No, she shouldn’t have. Such behavior is dangerous and irresponsible. Does the fact that she was drunk mean that she was at fault for what happened? Hell no. In the end, the decision to rape her was made by the rapists. She didn’t consent to anything because she couldn’t give consent. She was probably unconscious for the worst of it, so she had no control over what was happening to her. How anybody could place the blame on her for everything that happened when she was drunk is beyond me, but that’s exactly what a lot of people are doing.

Another thing about this whole thing that pisses me off is that this almost didn’t go to trial. The only reason why the criminals involved were prosecuted and ultimately convicted is because the hacker group Anonymous pushed for it to happen. This whole thing was going to be swept under the rug because, apparently, boys will be boys. Nope. Sorry. The world doesn’t work that way. These boys didn’t play a harmless prank on someone; they violated another human being in the most disgusting and degrading way imaginable. They shouldn’t be excused because of their age, the alleged sluttiness of the girl or the fact that they’re high school football heroes. Rape is rape, and these little fucks are rapists.

The only consolation I can take from this whole scenario is that justice was technically served. I say “technically” because these boys deserve much more than one year in juvenile hall. This, ladies and gentlemen, is Rape Culture at its “finest.” In a perfect world, everyone who laid a finger on this girl when she was drunk would go away for a long time. They don’t deserve any sympathy, and the rape survivor doesn’t deserve any of the blame.

* * *

Okay. My laptop is still intact, I haven’t punched a hole in my bedroom wall and nobody around me was brutally murdered. I think I’m alright. Hopefully the next post on this blog won’t be quite so angry. I think I’ll try to ignore the news for a few days just in case.

The Straight White Male Activist

If you take a look at some of my previous posts on this blog, you’ll notice that I often talk about feminism, GLBTQ issues and racism. It should come as no surprise that I’m not shy about being a feminist or that I’m quick to point out homophobia, racism and other intolerant bullshit. You could say that I’m an activist, although I don’t do nearly as much about it as some people do. Unfortunately, there’s one thing that makes me feel kind of guilty sometimes. I may be a feminist and GLBTQ ally who rails against racism and bigotry, but I’m also a heterosexual white male. It’s not that I feel particularly guilty about being a heterosexual white male; it’s that sometimes I’m worried that I might become part of the problem instead of the solution.

I’m probably not making a whole lot of sense to some of you, but hear me out. One could argue that it’s easier for a member of a persecuted minority to engage in activism because they are standing up for their own rights as well as the rights of others. Unfortunately, since society still doesn’t treat certain minorities with much respect, some of this activism falls on deaf ears. Society is still largely dominated by heterosexual white males who have probably never experienced the bigotry that women, people of color, the GLBTQ community and other minority groups experience on a regular basis. Many are blind to the problems that minorities face every day, so they don’t understand why activism is so important. Some laugh off efforts to make positive changes, while others are openly hostile. Many others just choose not to see the plight of anybody who isn’t like them. In the end, they resist any positive changes that people try to make, which is why activism can be so difficult.

However, every so often you can find straight white males who are on board with an activist cause. They are right there on the picket lines standing up for persecuted minorities, and since they are members of the dominant culture, people take notice. Suddenly, a cause that may have been ridiculed or ignored has some validity. If these “normal” guys are standing up for it, it must be important after all.

Personally, I have a huge problem with this. I don’t have a problem with straight white male activists since I think standing up for social justice is always admirable. What I have a problem with is this notion that minorities need to be “saved” by the dominant culture. Whenever a straight white male openly stands for something, I can practically feel people’s minds changing in ways that just don’t happen when anybody else stands for the same issue. Yes, it’s great that it grabs people’s attention, but in a way it also contributes to the bigotry inherent in society. It tells me that the only people that matter are the straight white males, and the only things that matter are the things that are important to them. Meanwhile, any causes that don’t find the right champions are kept on the fringes of society where they remain invisible.

This is something that I’ve been struggling with. I am a straight white male who stands up for causes that don’t affect other straight white males. I may not have a lot of influence, but people will be more willing to listen to what I have to say just because of who I am. I could look at this as using my white privilege for a good cause, but I can’t help thinking that I’m contributing to the bigotry inherent in our society.

Activists shouldn’t need straight white guys like myself to validate their causes. Sadly, mainstream society often says otherwise, and I don’t know how that’s going to change. It’s really a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” scenario. Straight white culture is still considered the norm, and lots of people will reject anybody who doesn’t fit into the norm. It’s sad and frustrating, and I wish I could say that things could be different.

So, what does all of this mean for me? Well, I’m certainly not going to give up standing up for what I believe in. I can’t do that any more than I can change who I am. I’m also not going to tell other straight white males to turn their backs on other activist causes. I just think we need to be conscious of this sad and frustrating fact while working towards a future where everyone is respected and nobody needs to be “saved” by a dominant culture.