Of course some women drink too much. Of course it's a problem.

Last week, I had to write a 400-word article about famous female alcoholics who became sober. I figured that since it’s only 400 words on a topic that should be easy to research through Google, it wouldn’t take me that long to write it.

Well, it turns out I was wrong. I spent more time than anybody ever should on 400 words to write that article, simply because there simply wasn’t much information on famous female alcoholics. Yes, there was Betty Ford, but she was about the only name who came up on most sites. Nearly every other article I could find talked at great length about Eric Clapton, Robert Downey, Jr. and other famous men who struggled with alcoholism, but I had a lot of trouble finding any information on famous women who sobered up aside from stupid tabloid articles that print any salacious rumor out there as absolute fact.

So basically there was a severe shortage of information on famous female alcoholics compared to information on famous male alcoholics. I’ve been trying to wrap my head around why this was the case. Just because alcoholism is 2 ½ times more common among men than women doesn’t mean that women don’t have drinking problems, so why did I have so much trouble finding information about female alcoholics? I know Google occasionally drops the research ball for me thanks to overzealous SEO Internet marketers clogging up the web with pointless articles, but I didn't think I would have that much trouble finding relevant information.

I know part of the problem is good old fashioned misogyny. Since men are more “important” than women in society’s eyes whether people like to admit it or not, we’re less likely to hear about women or their problems. We want to hear about strong men of integrity who overcome deadly addictions to live good, long healthy lives, but apparently the same thing can’t be said about women. It’s a real shame, and as a feminist it’s something that I’ve always found irritating. Even when we’re not talking about people overcoming dangerous vices, women are basically dismissed by society. If a man accomplishes something important, it’s because he’s smart, strong and everything a man is supposed to be. If a woman does the same thing, people are in awe of the fact that something important was accomplished by a woman instead of a man. It’s not nearly as bad as it once was, but that attitude still exists in our society even when people like to pretend that it doesn’t.

Another reason why I think it was so hard to find the information I needed  was because in my experiences people react differently to drunk men than they do to drunk women. Specifically, they’re far more likely to notice a man who drinks to excess and see it as a problem. Although there always seem to be guys who encourage their friends’ wild, “funny” drunken behavior, I often notice that people regard male drunks as problems waiting to happen. Guys are seen as more likely to be the kind of destructive, occasionally violent drunks that do really stupid things and cause trouble. People try to stay away from them, or at least I do. Meanwhile, girls who get drunk are just seen as having fun. They’re letting their hair down and having a blast with their girlfriends. They’re laughing, dancing and flirting with guys. People don’t look at these women and see them as having a problem.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve noticed that society is dismissive of the problem of alcohol abuse in women. I’ve been to plenty of parties where people think the giggly drunk girls who are flirting with all the guys are fun while thinking that the drunk guys are obnoxious. They rarely saw the girls’ behavior as problematic, which was problematic in itself. The guys at these parties didn't seem to realize (or care) that some of those drunk girls who were flirting with them would get drunk regularly and be just as self-destructive as that guy who trashes his friends' houses, starts fights and crashes his car when he has too much to drink.

These are just my own opinions and theories, but I really think this dismissive attitude towards women who drink extends into our fascination with celebrities. The famous men who have beaten alcoholism become role models for young and old men because of their strength, courage and determination. From what I could tell in my research for my article last week, women don’t have the same role models. I don’t doubt that there are plenty of famous women who have conquered alcoholism and other vices, but it doesn’t seem that people talk about them quite as much. I think it’s time for that to change.

Then again, maybe I'm thinking too much about this, and my inner rabble-rousing feminist is seeing a bigger problem that isn't there while I rage about the occasional uselessness of Google.

What do you think?

How Not to Talk to Women Online

Today my lovely wife was talking to a couple of young men on Twitter.  She had just met these guys, and she apparently was having a pleasant enough conversation with them until one of them asked for a picture of her “big titties.”  Not surprisingly, my wife was offended by his request and let him have it with both barrels.  He responded by calling her a slut (because “slut” apparently means someone who doesn’t take her clothes off at the merest suggestion now).  She wasn’t happy about it, but she just shrugged it off and went about her day just as she should have.  After all, the Internet is full of asshats who like to take shots at people just because they can.

Still, the whole incident had me thinking about how guys talk to women, especially online.  Specifically, it got me thinking about how guys really don’t know how to talk to women.  Practically every woman I know has at least one story of some moron sending her messages on Facebook, Myspace, Twitter, MMORPGs like World of Warcraft or any other format that allows people to communicate with each other over the Web with such thoughtful romantic messages like “ur hawt,” “show ur titties” or “lets fuckk.”  It’s not always trolling, either.  Some of these guys really do seem to think that sending out these messages will get them laid.  After all, they’re paying these women compliments, right?  They should be flattered that someone is taking an interest in them.

I know part of it is just the anonymity of the Internet; it is and always has been a breeding ground for the most obnoxious trolls imaginable.  I think there’s more to it than that, though.   I think part of it has to do with this sense of entitlement that a lot of men in our society have when it comes to women.  We’re basically taught that not only can a man have a beautiful woman if he wants one, but that he deserves to have one.  All he has to do is show interest in a woman, and she’s expected to just go along with whatever he wants.  Any woman who says otherwise is wrong and deserves the label of “bitch,” “slut” or whatever nasty name a guy can come up with.

Of course, this doesn’t just happen online, either.  I’ve seen plenty of instances of guys saying whatever they want to women and acting genuinely surprised when they get shot down.  It just seems to get worse on the Internet where people have enough anonymity to be able to say things that they wouldn’t dare say to someone’s face.  Still, I can’t help thinking that we’ll soon have an entire generation of men who think the proper way to talk to a woman is to basically proposition her and assume she must be a frigid bitch if she isn’t into it.

It should go without saying that this is not the right way to talk to a woman, and yet it looks like someone has to say it.  I’ve seen other unfortunate aspects of what I call Internet culture seep into other aspects of our lives.  I’ve heard people actually say things like “LOL” or “OMG” out loud (they sound like idiots, by the way), so I have to wonder if going up to a girl and saying “ur hawt show me ur titties” is going to be an actual pickup line for a certain brand of socially awkward male who grew up on message boards and MMORPGs.  I can see them getting shocked that it doesn’t work, and I’m not sure whether to laugh or weep for the future.

Hey guys, here’s a radical thought: if you like a girl, try talking to her like a human being instead of something that’s only there to please you.  Trust me.  That’s how most healthy relationships start, not with some lame attempt to get a girl to show her “big titties” over the Internet.